Death Ritual

It is said that sorrow unites a family. However if looked at closely death in a family divides it into two distinct camps. It is not because of the common sorrow per se but rather because of reasonless rituals that follow a death.

Now all will have an urge to move on to the next article. Some will have made up their mind that this article is a rant of a westernized punk who doesn’t know ‘jackfruit’ about his own culture. For the second group it will be an endorsement of what they have felt and what they think every modern and rational person must feel. For the former, there is no point in reading something that they will never agree on while for the latter there is in point in reading something they already know. But patience is the key to surprise.

Now if you will care to pretend that we are at page zero of a new notepad, we might be able to start and end as friends, which is the way I insist it be.

The first thirteen days are an endless stream of rituals. This has to be done, this shouldn’t be done. This to eat, this to be avoided. Well you know the drill. Now let me ask the first group why all this ritual should be done? The most prevalent reason given is that it helps to secure heaven for the deceased. To this let me relate an anecdote from Mahavir’s life. The great Vipaswi, whose reputation spread far and wide, was approached one day by a humble man who had lost his father. This man asked Mahavir to do something so his dead father could attain Swargalok. The great sage hence asked the man to bring in a kilo of ghee and a kilo of small pebbles. The man most joyously brought these ingredients for the puja. Then Mahavir asked the man to put them in a nearby lake. The pebble of course sank to the bottom while the ghee floated to the top. The sage then asked the man to make the pebbles float and the ghee to sink. Perplexed, the man stammered, “But that my lord is impossible”. At this the great sage smiled and said, “If that is impossible, what makes you think that a little ritual will guarantee mokshya for your father? It is the nature of things that dictates its fate, makes the ghee to float and the pebbles to sink. Thus, it is nature of life that a man leads that decides his fate after death and not some ritual done after death.” However there is another reason given for the rituals, that of culture. Since it is our culture it must be followed unquestionably to the dot. But hold on isn’t child marriage, ‘Sati Pratha’ and polygamy our culture too? Some more back and forth exchanges will probably bring us to Lokaachar, “Everybody does it”. So we’ve gotten from appeal to authority to democracy. Such a shame. Before we go ad hominem let me clarify that I like democracy and all but I kind of like Mr. Galilei a lot more. If you will excuse that digression, it is time for the second group to answer some questions. What would you be doing during the thirteen days if there were no binding rituals? The answer I think is pretty simple. You would either be tugged down in the whirlpool of loss and stress or if you have a little more self restraint, you would be looking for things to keep yourself busy so you don’t keep thinking on and on about the loss. And that ladies and gentlemen is the meat; something that every psychiatrist tells the depressed, “Keep yourself busy”.

This reason for the ritual opens numerous doors of opportunity. To keep oneself busy, one might feed the poor rather than underfeed oneself or one might as well engage in charity rather than fill the pockets of priests. There are of course scores of ways to keep oneself busy and at the same time help oneself to make peace with the loss.

Another little ritual of ours is the use of rhino flesh in the ‘pinda’ that is made during the sharadda. One wise man told me that rhino flesh is used in satellite communication equipment too. The implication of course is that no matter where the dead person is the message will be passed on that the people he left behind still care for him and have hence sent food for him. I wasn’t too sure about the last part but it sure did explain why rhinos are so rare. Goddammed Rocket Boys!!!! I mean commmmoooon, seriously??? When puritans, the wise man I referred to earlier is a priest, use advancements in science, and that too not very gallantly to defend a culture that was grey before science was even a toddler, is when we know, “Houston, we’ve got a problem”. I suggest we replace the rhino flesh with horse or donkey flesh. They are after all the closest relative of the rhino.

Another of our ritual includes “Tarpan”, the before-meal food offering by sons to their deceased parents. Now if gratefulness still counts as a virtue, this is one great ritual. The ten seconds of thought diverted to the deceased parents to thank them or just to make peace with the loss channels grief very well.

There is no need to be conformists without a pause or rebels without a cause. All our rituals needs is a little mending.